Since today is Mother’s Day here in the U.S., I thought that I would list my mother’s narcissistic traits. Thanks to parrishmiller.com for the article! Happy Mother’s Day to all of the loving mothers out there!
1.) Everything she does is deniable. My mother ALWAYS has excuses, albeit mostly shitty ones, for her bad behavior. The most likely excuse she will use is that she was abused, and she lashes out because of her experience. To which I always responded with, “Get thee to a therapist!” Theoretically, she has been seeing a therapist for the past 5 years, however, she refuses to tell me where she even goes for therapy. She won’t even tell me what street her therapist.s office is located on because I guess she is afraid (?) I would try to talk to her therapist? Obviously, she doesn’t know me very well, because I believe that therapy is sacred and I would NEVER violate someone’s therapeutic experience. However, I digress…
Mom’s other excuses were that she had a bad day at work (and thus was taking it out on me) OR she would even make up excuses, “Don’t look at me in that tone of voice! (WTF?)”
Sometimes, I think that she only had kids to a.) appease my father and b.) create tiny emotional punching bags.
2.) She violates the boundaries. This is the weirdest one for me. My father insisted that I be dressed appropriately at all times. My pajamas had to completely cover my boobs and butt and I had to wear a T-shirt and shorts over my swimsuit while swimming. The man almost had a heart attack when I came home with a prom dress that had a slit UP TO MY KNEE. Anyway…
My mom continually walked around the house naked, or in just a T-shirt and underwear when I was a kid (honestly, I was grateful for the times she wore the T-shirt and underwear). She always peed and pooped with the door open. She would also come into the bathroom to pee and poop WHILE I was showering or grooming. It was so gross. So very gross.
3.) She favoritizes. My brother is the Golden Child, hands down. Neither my sister nor I could possibly be the GCs, because my mother has always been vastly jealous of any relationships we had with my father. The only time my brother gets shit from my mom is when she feels jealous of him, which rarely happens.
4.) She undermines. I make all A’s on my report card. Response? “Well’s that’s what you are supposed to do! Let me tell you about my newest promotion at work!” I clean the house “You moved my stuff around! How dare you! Put it back!” As a child, if I made my father a gift in school, she would say, “That’s nice. Now, Dad, open the gift that I bought you!” On the day I graduated from high school, I was hoping they would throw me a party. My Dad kept promising me that something special was going to happen. We go home, and there is NO party. When I asked why, Mom said, “I didn’t think it was necessary. Here’s $50. You better get ready for bed.” My boyfriend was standing right there.
5.) She demeans, criticizes, and denigrates.
“You are always causing arguments. You like to piss me off!”
“You are going to cause your father and I to divorce.”
“You are such a bitch.”
“Why do you have to be so difficult?”
“You are just like your bitch sister.”
Bitch was my name for an entire year.
6.) She makes you look crazy. This was BIG in my household. Dad was the master gaslighter, but Mom wasn’t too shabby at it.
“It didn’t happen that way!”
“I didn’t use that tone!”
“I would NEVER say that!”
“I’m sorry you THINK I said that…”
7.) She is envious. She was extremely envious of my relationship with my father, and dad didn’t help. He treated me like more of an adult than her, and talked to me about their relationship issues (including sexual ones) which only made her dislike me more.
8.) She is a liar. She always lied about her own bad behavior. Her major way of lying was gaslighting. I heard a lot of “I didn’t mean it that way! You are just TOO sensitive!” On the rare occasions that she could not lie her way out of her bad behavior, she would couch the admission deniably. She would say she “guessed” that “maybe” she “might have” done that behavior.
9.) She manipulated my emotions to feed on my pain. She would say things to bait me and make me angry, the turn around and attack me for getting angry. She needed my reaction to feed her N-fix. If she wasn’t baiting me, she was playing the martyr. She would whine and moan about how abused she was until I tried to appease her, thus getting her N-fix.
10.) She’s selfish and willful. My mother’s and father’s needs ALWAYS came first. I need a new pair of shoes? Tough, Dad needs a new boat or Mom needs a new computer! My parents were also horrible gift-givers because they were so selfish. Most of my gifts came from the clearance racks or bargain bins, unless it was something that could make them look good or be useful to them, like getting me a new computer for my schooling.
11. She is insanely defensive and is extremely sensitive to any criticism. Criticizing my mother in any way meant that you were ready for a fight, and ready for her to start slinging insults and warping reality.
There are actually 24 items on this list, but I am going to stop at #11 today. I have to go get ready for MY Mother’s Day celebrations!